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In this article:
- Returning to work: work as a space for identity
- My journey: luck and rights
- The myth of the perfect choice and the mental load
- Daily survival strategies
On May Day, International Workers' Day, I stopped to reflect on a question I have been asked hundreds of times: "How do you manage to work with three little girls?".
The truth is that it is not always easy and there is no magic formula, nor a perfect balance that, once achieved, remains. There is a delicate balance that changes every day, made up of choices, compromises, and shifting priorities.
But supported by what for me is a necessity: feeling 'whole'.
Returning to work: work as a space of my own
You often read that returning to work after motherhood is a trauma. For me, it wasn't like that.
When I started working again after the birth of my first daughter, I felt at peace. Of course, becoming a mother filled me with an overwhelming sense of love, but the maternity period was also a time of loneliness.
I remember that I missed talking to an adult. I missed talking about something other than her. Returning to work helped me find a space of my own again. Without taking anything away from my being a mother, it allowed me to be Lucia again. 🤍
My journey: a continuous adaptation
My career has not been a straight line, but an adaptation to the heartbeat of my family: I was a full-time employee, then I switched to part-time after my second daughter, until I chose to dedicate myself entirely to them for a couple of years after the third. Finally, LAPEPIA was born, my self-employed challenge.
I know I have been lucky. My return to the company was peaceful, I was welcomed and respected in my new rhythms. But I know very well that, unfortunately, this is not the norm for everyone.
In a country where still too many women returning from maternity leave find themselves facing moved desks or reduced responsibilities, talking about 'choice' and 'balance' can seem like a luxury.
Even more so because the basics are missing: accessible nurseries, equal parental leave, and the weight of welfare on the shoulders of families (and almost always mothers). Without structural support, 'choice' often remains only on paper.
My wish for this May Day is that my experience becomes the standard. That work becomes a right that empowers a woman's identity, and not an obstacle that punishes her for having given life.
Every choice is valid (and immense)
I want to say it clearly: no choice is better than another. There are women who find their fulfillment by dedicating themselves entirely to their family, and women who, like me, need to nurture a professional dimension as well to feel balanced. Both paths are valid, both jobs are immense.
The point is not 'what' we do, but 'how' we feel while doing it.
The loneliness I felt was not my daughters' fault, but it was a sign that my nature needed to reopen a window to the adult world. For another mother, that same window could be a hobby, for another to enjoy every moment of her children's growth without noise around.
Freedom lies in being able to choose, without feeling judged.
The invisible burdens: Mental Load and Performance
Beyond work there is another commitment, silent and constant: the mental load. It is that endless invisible management made up of logistical arrangements, various commitments, and the emotional needs of children that never stops running in the background.
To this is added the pressure of constant performance. Society asks us to be professionals as if we didn't have children and mothers as if we didn't have a job. It is a trap that pushes us towards an impossible perfection, often leaving us exhausted.
Learning to recognize this invisible effort and accepting that we do not have to 'win' in every field, every day, is the first step.
Unmasking the myth of guilt
Guilt is generated by a social expectation, not by a biological reality.
We must remind ourselves that quality beats quantity: an hour of true presence is worth more than an entire day spent with your head elsewhere. A mother who chooses not to lose herself teaches her children that love never requires the sacrifice of one's identity and that it is possible to take care of one's needs without ceasing to love..
Survival strategies (real ones)
Emotional balance rests on a logistical foundation. Here is what I have learned with three daughters:
- Routine frees up mental space, it may seem boring, but it protects your peace of mind.
- Asking for help, when and if possible, is not a sign of weakness but of survival. I know that not all of us have a support network or the means to delegate (and that is where the system fails), but wherever there is a space, whether it is a partner or an online purchase to save an hour of time, we must learn to take it without guilt.
- The 'good enough' rule, I have made peace with an imperfect home and with the 'no's said to protect my time.
Conclusion: a wish for freedom
On this Workers' Day, my thoughts go to all the mothers who are looking for their path. You will never be "enough" perfect for everyone, but patience, you are perfectly enough by listening to your needs.
Your children need a present mother but also a 'whole' mom and that is the wish: that these two things can coexist.
Happy May Day to all mothers: to those who work at home or outside the home, to those who are looking for work and to those who, every day, work not to lose themselves.
With love,
Lucia 🤍
If this article made you feel less alone, share it with a friend who needs it.
For more information, also read
- March 8 and real motherhood: beyond the myth of the perfect mother – Reflections on the mental load and social expectations of motherhood
- LAPEPIA Story: from dream to reality – How this project was born between motherhood and work
- Spring rhythm: family routines that work – Organizing daily life consciously
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